Turns out my latte is not pregnant. Whew!

So, I'm back on the road and true to form adventure and hilarity are keeping me company on what would otherwise be a very lonely trek across the United States.  I'm used to the security circus.  Enough loops through the hoops and you get the hang of the monkey dance.  Belt off, liquids appropriately sized, shoes off, hole in sock... cold, dirty floor, don't think about it... just keep moving.   I have even procured the mother of all carry-ons.  This thing is a BEAST.  Its a roller bag that converts into a back pack.  It fits under the seat, in the overhead and down the aisle and I'm pretty sure I can get at least 3 days of travel out of it...maybe more.  It has pockets for kindle, ipod, cell phone, passport, chap stick. It even has a detachable clear bag for the infamous 3oz liquids.  To describe my relationship with this bag as a love affair is an understatement.  To seal the deal... FLIGHT ATTENDANTS drool over this bag.  I. Love. This.  Bag.  So, yes, I have no qualms about zipping up to the "professional traveler" line and yes, I'm that jerk who looks at you with total disdain if you forget to take your change out of your pocket.  I am that person. All that said, I experienced a whole new level of violation and intrusion from the FAA today.

My typical routine leaves me 30 minutes for security, 10 minutes for starbucks, 5 minutes for bathroom, 5 minutes to make absolutely sure I'm in the right place and 10 minutes to breathe before getting on the plane.  This morning, my routine was perfectly executed.  I had just wrapped up my 10 minutes of breathing time and was beginning the boarding process when I was stopped by an absolutely ridiculous FAA agent wearing goggles and what looked like a chemistry set strapped to her back.  Let me tell you something.... An FAA agent who looks like she's moonlighting with the CDC is NOT something you want to see ambling toward you as you're about to board an aircraft.  This rogue lab tech approached me, pulled me out of line, and proceeded to- brace yourself- proceeded to give my triple skinny latte a pregnancy test.  Not kidding.  She whipped a little test strip out of her science kit, hovered it over my coffee, "tested the vapors" and then we waited for the results.  Fortunately, for all of us, my coffee was not pregnant.

Really, FAA?  You didn't violate me enough when I came in?  You have to continue to harass me after I have run your gambit and jumped through all of your ridiculous hoops with flawless execution?  Its bad enough that every time I go to the airport I have to leave a half of a pot of coffee on the counter and wait the dark and dreaded 30 minutes before I can throw myself at the mercy of the corporate machine and wait for them to feed my addiction; now I have to worry about not only the proverbial levels of toxicity in my cup-a-corporate but the literal levels of toxicity as well?  Can't you just hang out behind the line and test the vapors as they come out of the drip?  Lord knows, they could use an extra body back there.  

Once we determined that my latte was only harming my soul (and wallet) and was not an agent of death and destruction.  I was allowed to board the plane and am now in lovely Minneapolis.  What a great and underrated city!  Thanks to a shout out on facebook, I was directed to a truly phenomenal local brew pub and enjoyed some exceptional craft brew as well as a moderately life changing almond butternut squash bisque and the best sweet potato fries I have ever had.  I'm staying in the heart of Minneapolis right next to a tiny little coffee shop called Dunn Brother's coffee located in the basement of a stone building built in 1887.  Granted, I walked 4 blocks out of the way in the absolutely FREEZING Minnesota night air to procure this lovely Americano but in the end, I realized that the theme of today penance.  Penance for subsisting on soulless caffeine.

The good news is, I'm pretty sure I'm square with the house.  Cheers to you!

Gratitude, Love, and Things to Come

Feb 7th, 2010

This is coming to you from about 3,000 feet over Paduka Kentucky. I’ve been so excited to get this written, I really just could not wait until I created some sort of zen space at home, so you’re getting me on about 4 hours of sleep at around 3,000 feet. If it weren’t for the absolute tool sitting next to me, this would actually be a great Zen space (yeah that’s right, buddy – go ahead, keep taking up my personal space and reading over my shoulder… yes, I’m writing about you; because of your complete deficit of manners, you will live on in blogosphere infamy.)

Okay – now that we’ve solved that problem, we can move on. So, I’m flying home from my last trip for the next 8 months. 8 months off of the road. I haven’t done that in 4 years! There is so much to process and I couldn’t sleep last night despite the fact that I also couldn’t keep my eyes open. My thoughts were just cranked up to a hard boil; exited, and wild. I’m coming home from my last visit with friends and family before the baby is born, my last trip home for almost a year, a reunion with a lifetime of friends and a truly perfect weekend. I’m warning you, this is going to be a super sappy one. Forgive me, but I warned you!

More than anything, I am just so completely swept away by the amount of pure love surrounding me and this little girl who none of us have even met yet. Two of the most amazing women on this earth hosted what has got to be the most special baby shower ever given yesterday. The thoughtfulness that was put into this event was nothing short of an absolute homage to love and friendship. As I’m typing this, I’m realizing that I am having a very hard time verbalizing how much it meant to me. ‘Thank you’ will never adequately express my gratitude, but rest assured, this child will be born knowing that her aunts will always be two of the most powerfully important and positive forces in her life.

The other thing that astounded me this weekend is what an amazing and beautifully eclectic group of loved ones I have in my life and how undeniably fortunate I am to have collected such a beautiful and warm patchwork of friends. I spent my Saturday with three generations of simply gorgeous matrilineal family… Friends from a childhood that was so pure and innocent that, as we tooled around town singing at the top of our lungs on a bicycle built for two, we were incapable of dreaming that we’d be so blessed to share in a day like yesterday almost 20 years later. I wish for a childhood filled with moments like those that we shared accompanied by a friend that special for our daughters. There were friends that have been brought to me through Hunter and who never fail to bring laughter and joy. There were friends who are a shining beacon and often my life raft between the hours of nine to five and Monday through Friday week after week after week. My entire god-family was there, who will always be and have always been one of the most special and dynamic influences in my life - as any family should be. For those who were unable to make it, please know that you are loved and were missed but you were definitely there in spirit. I just can not tell you how excited I am to be able to share each and everyone one of you with our daughter and I wish I could tell you how much you all mean to me.

Okay, I’m finished gushing now and I promise I will try to make my next few blogs will be a little less overboard sentimental as Hunter and I start settling in to a life that no longer involves suitcases (or things like buttons and lace up shoes).

I’m looking forward to staying in touch with you next week and appreciate your sticking with me through what has obviously been a sappy couple of weeks. But hey – at least my hormonal psychoses have all been stupidly blissful and radiating positivity! I could be pulling a Linda Blair for the next 3 months! (Don’t you know Hunter has his fingers crossed that this maintains every single moment of every single day!)

So much love to all and have a magnificent week!

Xoxo,

Julie